The Parody of the Hunger Games
by imawesomerthanyou16
Summary: A Hunger Games Parody. What else is there to say?
1. 1

**Author's Note: First fan-fic. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I own a lot of things. Like the Hunger Gams. Just not the Hunger Games.**

When I wake up, the other side of the bed is radiating with heat. My fingers stretch out, seeking Rimpay's (Prim) warmth. Hitting right on target, I smile. Quickly and expertly, I push Rimpay out of the bed. Something cracks. Oh well. She was never useful anyways.

I prop up on one elbow. There's enough light in the bedroom to see my mother sleeping. I throw a rock that I always keep in my pocket. I miss, and it hits Rimpay instead. Something else cracks. Probably a rib. Ha-ha.

I start to get out of bed. But then I remember something, and turn upside down before getting out. He-he. I got out on the wrong side of the bed. Now I have an excuse to be in a bad mood all day. I take a single step before tripping over a yellow mat on the ground. I smile. That rug was something Rimpay brought home one day. Actually, when she brought it home, it was a cat. Then I strangled it, skinned it, and ate it. It tasted pretty good actually. Its fur was pretty soft too.

I finish my last couple of steps to my laid out clothes. Mom put them out yesterday. I've always wondered why she would take out clothes for me. After all, I only have one set of clothes.

_Flashback_

_Mom walks up to me._

_ "Hi," I say_

_ "Katniss, why are you wearing palm leaves instead of clothes?" my mom asks._

_ I smile. "Silly mom, I'm not-"then I look down. I'm wearing palm leaves. Even though we don't have palm trees in District 12. Oops._

_End of Flashback_

Oh right.

I quickly slip into my high heels and pull on a tuxedo. Then, I search Rimpay's limp body. I find a piece of tape. Score! Now I can stick _Kick Me _notes on people. Classic.

I walk out of the house and start to free run up the house. Climbing onto the roof, I run across people's homes, receiving curses from every one. Oh well. With great awesomeness comes with great need for being obnoxious. Finally, I reach the chain fence that marks the end of District 12. Taking a humongous chain-saw out of my microscopic pocket, I cut a hole in the fence. I do this every time I go to the woods. It feels more… right.

As soon as I'm in the trees I walk into a giant, conspicuous tower, which glows in the dark, and even has a big flashing board with an arrow pointed to it that says, "KATNISS' BOWS WHICH SHE USES TO HUNT AND KILL ILLEGALLY ARE RIGHT HERE. COME AND ARREST HER RIGHT NOW." There, screaming a song about how a girl named Katniss hunts illegally, I grab my bow and arrow. I climb down and wait for the only person with whom I can't be myself. Alegay walks to me with a piece of paper with punctured with a pencil and smiles.

"Hey Fatness," said Alegay (Gale). Fatness isn't my real name. It's really Katniss. It's just that when he first asked me for my name I screamed my name so loud, he thought I said Fatness. The nickname stuck.

"Look what I shot!" says Alegay. He holds up the piece of paper.

"Oooh. What did it cost you?" I asked.

"Just $500,000,000."

"Wow, that little?"

"Yeah, I know.

Seizing the chance, I punch Alegay in the face, knocking him out. Quickly, I grasp the paper and pencil.

_ Another successful mug. He-he. Bragging rights. _I thought. I sat down and waited for Alegay to regain consciousness. Slowly, but surely, Alegay wakes up.

"What happened?" he asked.

"A giant airplane fell from the sky and blew up. Then, an ant kicked you unconscious. It had nothing to do with me punching you in the face and mugging you.

"Oh. Let's go fishing!"

"Ok." I get up slowly, and then head to the lake, making sure that Alegay is in front. Quietly, I write, _Kick Me,_ on the piece of paper I stole from Alegay. Then, I stuck it on Alegay's back. Hehehe. I kick Alegay. He screams in pain.

"OWOWOWOW! Who did that?" He questions.

"I did. There's a sign on your back that says _Kick me._" I said.

Alegay looks on his back. "No, it says _Kick Me. _You lied to me!"

"What? How can you even tell that the _me _was lowercase?"

"How can you tell that the _Me _was uppercase?"

"Touché." We head to the lake. We catch fish using Alegay's butt as bait. It works really well.

Walking back to home, we sell all the fish we caught to other people. We sold sea bass, sand-dabs, and sting-ray. We head to the mayor's house. My father didn't teach me anything, so I tried to sell the mayor human flesh once. It didn't work out too well. Now I know to sell him human organs. We knock on the front door, and Mage (Madge (I got you this time :)) answers the door. She's wearing a pin that looks like a turd. My eyes blink in surprise. I. WANT. THAT. I'll guess I'll mug her later.

"Soooo. These are for your dad," Alegay says as he hands her a liver.

"Ok. Bye," Mage says. She slams the door in our faces.

WELL.

Alegay walks away as if nothing is wrong. I wait until he's out of sight. Then I kick down the door. The door hits something hard, and there's a loud crack. I open the door further and look inside. Apparently, Mage was standing inches away from the door when I opened it. Oh well. I grab the turd pin and walk away whistling.

Today is the reaping day for the Monopoly Games, so I have to get ready. The Monopoly Games are a fight to the death between 24 kids, two from each district, between the ages of 12 through 18. They're called the Monopoly Games because the makers felt like it. The reaping day is the day where people find out who are contesting.

When I get home, I take a bath. I haven't taken one in a long time. The warm water makes me want to fart. So, I fart. Bubbles slowly rise in the bathwater, and I giggle. After my bath, I take of my soaking clothes that I forgot to take off and pull on new clothes. I make Rimpay wear my old ones. Then, we head towards the town square.

Everyone in District 12 files in. Ffieay (Effie), the escort, Mayor Underpants (Mayor Underwoods), the mayor, and Aymitchhay (Haymitch) are all seated on a platform. The Mayor then stands up and says something how everyone is so ugly. Then he sits down. Ffieay replaces him.

"Ladies first!" she shouts. She then plunges her hand into the reaping ball to pick out a tribute, but it catches on fire. Taking a fire extinguisher, she tries to put out the flames, but it's too late. The slips are burnt to ashes. Ffieay just shrugs.

"Well, since the reaping ball just exploded, it looks like I'm just going to have to do E-NEE-MY-NEE-MO. So let's see," she says. "E-NEE-MY-NEE-MO. CATCH A TIGER BY THE TOE. IF IT HOLLERS LET IT GO. E-NEE-MY-NEE-MO. Rimpay Evergreen!"

"Haha!" I shout. "I called it! Hand over $20!" Rimpay looks disappointed, but she digs for the cash.

"Wait!" yells Ffieay. "I forgot to do, MY MOM SAYS YOU'RE THE VERY BEST AND IT IS YOU. Y-O-U. Katniss Evergreen!" Rimpay smiles and puts her money back. I sigh and hand over a twenty. Oh well. I probably won't be able to use it.

If you have read the above, press the button that's right…

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HERE!


	2. 2

**Disclaimer: Hey guess what? I own the Hunger Games! *person walks up and whispers something into ear* Oh. Actually, I don't. *sigh***

I climb onto the platform and await the next tribute. Then, as if they planned it, everyone there gives me the finger.

WELL.

Ffieay picks the boy tribute using a different technique.

"All right, I'm picking a number between 1-1000. Each of you must pick a number.

A boy with blonde hair steps up. "24.960732518," he says.

"Ding ding ding! That's the exact number. The male tribute is Peeta Bellark!"

Oh no. Not him. I know that guy.

_Flashback_

_ I just won the lottery, but I felt like searching other people's trash cans. I went to the baker's trash first. I opened the lid._

_ "SURPRISE!" Out jumped a character from Sesame Street. I slammed the lid in disgust._

_ I checked all the trash cans, but found nothing else. I was walking home, when Peeta pushed me on the ground. He started laughing, but then started screaming when I stabbed him in the foot. _

_End of Flashback_

Wait, actually now I like this combo. I can finish what I started. Yay!

The mayor stands up again and says a speech while all the spectators walk away, talking and handing over cash. Meanwhile, we, the tributes, are led by Rioters to the Criminal Building.

**Ok, so this was a little short. I'm just trying to fit the format of the original book. I'll write more if you click the button right…**

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**HERE!**


	3. 3

**Disclaimer: Hey guess what? I'm going to buy the Hunger Games! I'm 0.142% away from my goal. NOT.**

I sit on the stolen couch in the waiting room, waiting for people to show up. While I'm waiting, I wonder why the room I'm sitting in is called the waiting room. I mean, we don't wade anywhere. And I know that people are going to come, so I'm not waiting. Hmm…

Rimpay and Mom barge into my thoughts. I topple my couch in surprise.

"Haha!" cackles Rimpay. She pushes the couch so that the top and the edge are resting on the ground with me in a little pocket of space. "Hey Fatness, can I have your tuxedo? It really fits me."

"NO! My will specifically states that it will go to, uh…" I scratch something out on my will and replace it with _my dead father._ "My dead father!" I finish. Then I pull out a cat that was inside the couch and it mauls her. He-he-he.

After recovering, Rimpay grabbed my will and scanned it. She uploaded it and read it on the computer. "Hey! It says '_my dead father'_ not '_My dead father'_!"

"Haven't we heard this before?" I asked.

"Yeah, in chapter two, lines 40-43."

"I don't care get out, get out, GET OUT!"

"No."

"Oh. Ok then."

We sat in silence. Then the Rioters came and dragged them out. In came Peeta's father.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I don't know."

"Then get out."

"What the heck? I know that you don't like me, but you don't have to be rude. I'm leaving." Mr. Bellark yelled in an excruciatingly high pitched voice. He stomped out before his time was up. Some loud bangs rang out. Hmm…

I seized the chance to explore the room before Alegay came. I twirled around taking in features such as a cabinet, a desk, and … OOOOO. Look, a rules list. I stared at it intently. Then Alegay burst in.

"What are you do- oh, you reading the rules list. What does it say?" said Alegay.

"I don't know, I was just staring at it."

"Oh. You disgust me. I'm leaving now."

"Then why did you come in?"

"I thought it was mandatory. People were lining up outside."

"Oh."

Alegay left. More loud bangs. I proceeded to read the rules list. It said:

_1. Do not fart._

_2. Do not leave until led out._

_3. If you do any of these you will be shot._

Oh no! That was short. I sighed. Maybe the next one will be longer.

1,000,000 days later, the Rioters drag Peeta and me to the train.

We board the train. It's just one compartment. Servants, cooks, engineers, and we are all stuffed in a tiny space, waiting to go to the capitol. I need to do something to break the silence.

"So, uh, when do we start moving?" I ask to no one in particular.

"We are moving. This is the top speed," someone says.

"What? Where's the engine?"

"The capitol is broke, like Los Angeles, so they sold the engines and replaced them with manpower. People are pulling the cart along."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

The train was going too slowly, so I jumped out and started running towards the capitol. However, as much as I tried, I couldn't pass the train going 0.12 mph. I was huffing and puffing and doffing and dying but I couldn't past the train. But I kept telling myself, _I think I can, I think I can, I think I can_, and I passed the train and ran all the way to the capitol.

Then I awoke. It was all a dream!

"IT WAS ALL A DREAM!" I yelled aloud.

"No it wasn't. You passed out so we pulled you back on the train," said Peeta.

"Oh… Way to ruin my good mood. I didn't want to see you first thing in the afternoon."

"It's time for dinner."

"Well, I can see that. I mean, they're dining inches away from my face."

"Whatever."

I sigh and reluctantly head to the table. I eat everything with my feet.

"At least you people have manners. The last tributes choked down their food with their hands. Imagine!" Ffieay says, taking a stab at conversation.

I spit on her.

"See?" she says to the chef. "Perfect manners."

Then, Aymitchhay comes in to barf on Ffieay. Ouch.


	4. 4

**Author's Note: Sorry I didn't put the arrow thingy. Vote please!**

**Disclaimer: Whoa, I'm in a virtual reality, where I'm Suzanne Collins. OH MY GO- Oh. I'm back in reality. :(**

"HAHAHA! You just got barfed on. You're all dirty, while I'm clean. HAHAHA!" I laugh at Ffieay. Then I pick up a wine bottle, break the end, and throw it at her. Hehehe.

While Ffieay is bleeding to death, I decide to have some fun! I walk up to the nearest person and ask, "Do you want to meet your maker?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Good." I throw the guy out the window. At that precise moment, the slaves go faster by 900 mph.

"AAAaarrg-uh." The guy slammed into a rock headfirst. His head spurted red paint. OOHHH. I jump of the train and pour the paint into a cup. I'll give this to Peeta so he can paint. Oh wait, that happens in Catching Fire. Never mind.

Unfortunately, I pass a pile of dandelions when I run to catch up with the train. They remind me of something…

_Flashback_

_ I was walking away after I stabbed Peeta in the foot. Then, I tripped on a couple of dandelions._

_ "I hate you dandelions!" I screamed. Then, I took a flamethrower, and burned it. The fire caused the Fire of London. Luckily, no one found out that it was Panem, instead of London._

_End of Flashback_

While I was reminiscencescencingsdo, whatever it's called, I was knocked unconscious. The next day started with breakfast. I got up and ate. Then I stabbed at Aymitchhay but missed, while Peeta beat him up. Aymitchhay took the opportunity to blackmail us into doing whatever he says. Jerk.

When we arrive at the capitol, Peeta gives the finger to everyone. "One of them may be rich," he justifies. I nod knowingly.

**PLEASEVOTE!I'MBEGGINGYOU,VVVOOOTTTEEE! Thank you. Now if you'll just press the button right…**

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**HERE!**


	5. 5

**Author's Note: Sorry I haven't been updating that often… I was sick :( It won't happen again! I promise, even though I have almost no control over that fact.**

**Disclaimer: Breaking News! Suzanne Collins gave imawesomerthanyou16 The Hunger Games in her will! But wait, the will just blew up! Maybe next time, imawesomerthanyou16.**

_ R-i-i-i-p!_ I spit and scream furiously as Eniavay, a woman with a clean shaven head and no eyebrows, pulls out my body hair with her teeth.

"My precious… My precious…" she says. Creep.

"Oh no! This is the last one!" Eniavay cries, breaking my thoughts. She bites and rips the hair out.

I've been in the Hellhole for over 1 minute, and I still haven't met my stylist. Where could that idiot be? He was supposed to be here in 3 hours…

In the absence of my incredibly stupid stylus, I mean stylist, these other morons have prepared to eat me. I'm on a spit, while Laviusfay tries to light a fire. Then my stylist barges in. His badge says yacannI. I figure it's upside down.

"Finally! These psychopaths were trying to eat me!"

"OOOH. That gave me an idea! Your costume will be… ROAST CHICKEN! But before that, let's eat."

"Ok! What's on the menu?"

"You."

"ARRRGH! I run towards the exit, breaking the incredibly strong bonds that hold me to the spit. I'm almost away, but I trip on a ladybug, crash and burst into flames.

"Good! Now put this on." Innacay says. He shoves a chicken costume on me and I fall out the window.

"ARRRGH!" I scream. I land on a chariot with Peeta in it. He's obviously in the same predicament, except he's finished the twitching and is now in rigor mortis. He's fine. The doctors will fix him.

The crowd initial cheer at our appearance quickly changes into disinterest, falling for the other districts. I give them the finger. Someone throws a black cat at me.

"Here's your cousin Jackie!"

"I'm not Jackie!"

"Oh. Here's Jackie's cousin someone!"

"That's so racist!"

"I know, I'm from a racist book."

"This dialogue is too long."

"Yup."

"We should end this."

"You're breaking up with me?"

"Uh… Sure?"

"WAHH!"

Suddenly, the crowd starts shouting KATNISSKATNISSKATNISS.

"What?"

"YOUREUGLYYOUREUGLYYOUREUGLY"

WELL

We eventually get away from the scene. I'm about to leave, when Peeta says, "Help me up!"

"No! You're dead! It says so in chapter 5, line 21-22. Unless you count the bold text, which I don't. So there!" I shove him into a random oven and shut the door. Expertly, I punch a code. Hehehe.

**I know that everyone makes promises about how they'll give you something if you click a certain button. But they never give it to you. Well you know what I say? Cookies are right…**

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**HERE!**


	6. 6

**Author's Note: This is an Author's Note.**

**Disclaimer: If you look at any of the other chapters, you will find something that says: Disclaimer:. Read the stuff after the colon. You will find the meaning of life.**

The Training Center is basically a bar. Each person has one seat. It's the same here. Each district gets a seat. Literally. District 12 walks over to our seat at the end of the table. There are about 5 glass flasks there labeled: Drink me. I wipe them off and sit down. There's a noise that's either me sitting on a tiny, miniature living area that would be perfect to live in if you drank a shrinking potion, or someone farted.

"Alright, own up. Who was it," says Ffieeay (Effie. I just realized that there was an e at the end.).

Ortiapay (Portia) shakily raises her hand. Ffieeay takes a bottle, breaks it at the edge of a table, and shoves it through Ortiapay's heart. She crumples to the floor.

"Good, now that there's no need for her, she had to die. Who wants dinner?" she says.

"For some reason, watching someone die has made me sickingly hungry. So yes, I want dinner," says Peeta who has mysteriously popped out of thin air.

"I have a question," I state.

"What?" questions Peeta.

"You do realize sickingly isn't a word,"

"Yes."

"…"

"Well, dinner is served at 2:30 in the morning. If you miss it, then you don't eat. Ok?" interrupts Ffieeay.

"Ffieeay, it is 2:30 A.M."

"Yes, but I said it will be served at 2:30 in the morning. Not 2:30 A.M."

"Oh. Hey I know you!" I point at Ffieeay.

"Yes you do Katniss. Yes you do."

Peeta eyes me suspiciously. "Katniss and I are going to have a talk on the roof that will not be suspicious at all. Ok? Ok."

"But I didn't say ok!"

"It doesn't matter." Peeta hooked arms with me and dragged me to the roof.

"Why are we allowed up here? I mean, can't we just commit suicide?"

"Hmmm. Maybe there is some kind of force-field. Let's check," Peeta said. He grabbed an innocent bystander and threw him off the roof.

"AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!" The innocent bystander turned into innocent red paint.

"Maybe the Game-makers didn't think about it."

"Hmmm. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"That pin looks like Mages."

"That's cuz it is. Wanna make somthin' of it?"

"Actually, I do." Peeta raised his fists and assumed a fighting stance.

"Arrrgghh! please don't hurt me! I'm only 16 or 15 or something!"

"Oh, fine." We walk away.

**Chapter 6! WOOOOO! Almost to the Hunger Games! Just 5 more chapters! That's like, double what I already did! In the mean time, you should press the button right…**

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**HERE!**


	7. 7

**Author's Note: I'm going to be gone for a field trip to OPI! WOOOO! So don't expect writing between February 13-18. Just putting that out there.**

**Disclaimer: If you were smart, you would already know.**

My slumber is interrupted many times throughout the night. First of all, this annoying person with a knife kept waking me up and telling me not to worry that eternal slumber was coming. I had to keep shooting him in the face to make sure he wouldn't come back.

Dawn is breaking my windows. The glass shatters and cuts me. After a nice morning brawl with Dawn, I gorge myself on the food. Toes, liver, brain, and bottle-caps. Mmm.

As my mind wanders off, I sit drooling and mumbling unintelligent things. When it comes back, I see Aymitchhay and Peeta.

"Alright. I'm going to train you guys. Who wants to be trained separately?"

Peeta and I both raise our hands.

"Well, since both of you want to be trained separately, I'm going to have to train you together. Now both of you go to the training grounds. Don't underestimate yourselves. Don't show off your secret weapons. And most of all, don't fart. Now get out there."

Grumbling, Peeta and I head down to the gym. Immediately, I shoot arrows. I hide my secret weapon, which is a concealed knife. Peeta does the same. I move to the knot tying section. Peeta does the same. I move to the camouflage section. Peeta does the same. Peeta apparently is doing something stalkerish, such as following me around everywhere. Wait a second… stalkerish! That's not a word!

So, the next 3 minutes pass with Peeta and me doing stalker-like things. Hopefully, stalker-like is a word. We fart at everything, despite Aymitchhay telling us not to.

At lunch, we go to this bar at a shady side of town.

"Want some cocaine?" a person asks me.

"Coco? Sure!" I reply. I pull out a 20 and accept the package.

"So… you going to give me that 20?" the person asks.

"No."

"Uh… Ok then?"

I walk away.

The next day, Peeta looks at me and screams. "Y-y-you have a shadow!" He runs away.

I look down. Surely this idiot is fooling around. Wait, what's that? It looks like a silhouette of a person, but it has no distinguishable features. What's that called again? Oh yeah! A shadow! Wait a second… ARGHHHH!

I run away from that area, trying to escape my shadow. There is a door in front of me. I study it carefully. It is a door that opens in, with a bulb-like handle. I slam into it. Oh yeah. Doors are supposed to be opened. I open the door and race inside.

I screech to a halt.

"What the?" I proclaim.

"We are here to determine your score. So please, demonstrate your ability."

"No."

"Uh… you can't just say no."

"That's how much you know!"

"Uh… excuse me?"

"I don't wanna!"

"What?"

I left.

**Well, you guys know I'm leaving, right? Well, how about making a welcome back present? You can contribute by pressing the button right…**

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	8. 8

**Author's Note: Sorry I haven't been updating. So here's a chapter for you!**

**Disclaimer: *cough* I don't own the Hunger Games *cough***

As I stride toward my living place, I randomly burst into tears.

Now I've done it! Now I've ruined everything! If only I had gotten at least a D- on my last test, I wouldn't be in this mess. Oh wait, yes I would. Nnneeevvveeerrr mind.

Everyone else just ignores me insensitively. Figures. I just drank an invisibility potion.

Effie taps the back of my head and says, "Katniss, if you're inside there, come to dinner."

Apparently no one was inside because I sat there drooling for about half an hour. Luckily, Inner Katniss came back from Inner Shopping sooner than expected, so I went to dinner.

"So… Where have you-" Peeta started.

"WAIT!" I interrupted. "I know what you are about to say… wait for it… wait for it… Where have your toes gone?"

"Whoa… That's freaky!" Peeta said.

"Yeah, I know."

Ten minutes of sitting in silence later…

"I am bored." Aymitchhay proclaimed.

"So am I."

"I am as well."

"Why is everyone speaking so formally? We are all acquaintances here; therefore we may speak in the way of outlaws and crustaceans."

"Why crustaceans?"

"The writer couldn't think of a better word."

"Oh. Hey!"

"What?"

"Let's watch TV!"

"YEAH!" screamed everyone not so unanimously.

We, seeing as we are a bunch of idiots. turned on the TV. Turning on Jersey Shore, we watched intently. Then they switched shows. SHHHHHHHH went the television. The screen was alternating black and white.

"OMG! This is such a better show than Jersey Shore!"

"Yeah! There's Justin Beiber on it!" said Peeta.

"Yeah!" said Aymitchhay and Innacay.

Ffieeay and I looked at them in a funny way.

"What?"

"That's Tiger Woods having a not so T rated interaction with Usher."

"Oh. YAY!"

"No. Not yay. WAHOO!"

"WAHOO!"

Suddenly, the black and white show changed into the government created show.

"Katniss Evergreen has a 0, Peeta has a 12, …"

"WHOA!" exclaimed Peeta.

"What?" I ask.

"My booger is brown."

"No it's not. It's green!."

"Oh. Huh."

"Well Katniss, we will have to decide what your costume for the interview will be," intervened Cinna.

"A crazy psychopath with a bag of TNT, an M-16, and a waffle inside a tank?" I suggest.

"Well, let's take out the waffle."

"Awww…"

"Well that's it for our schedule for today. Lights out," interrupted Ffieeay.

I laid down and had a flashback.

_Flashback_

_I had been struggling for about a week. I couldn't seem to get the right answers on a test. That was when I met Alegay._

_ "Yay! I got a 100% on my test!" said Alegay._

_ Hearing that, I stood up and mugged him. That was when I learned that mugging people was the way to go._

_End of Flashback_

By the time I finished my flashback, my brain was out of gas, so I fell asleep.

**Well that's it! SO THIS IS BILLY MAYS HERE BRINGING YOU YOUR VERY OWN REVIEW BUTTON! SO YOU'VE GOT YOUR REVIEW BUTTON. YOU PRESS IT. YOU WRIGHT SOME WORDS. YOU CLICK ANOTHER BUTTON AND BOOM! YOUR WRIGHTING POPS UP! YOU'LL BE SAYING WHAT THE F**K EVERY TIME!**

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	9. 9

**Author's Note: Thanks to my sister Hinata796 for betaing.**

**Disclaimer: Don't sue!**

Betrayal. That's the first thing I feel, which is ludicrous seeing as I just woke up and nothing happened. So I go to Ffieeay to start getting ready for presentation.

"Alright Katniss, a lady should always keep her manners," said Ffieeay.

"But I lost my manners a week ago. I dropped them under my bed," I said.

"Oh well then. Let's go see what Peeta and Aymitchhay are doing!" suggested Ffieeay.

"Ok."

We, being the awesome ninjas we are, got into our bulldozer and rumbled into where Aymitchhay and Peeta were doing.

"OOOOHH! It's Justin Beaver!" squealed Aymitchhay.

"It's Beiber!" countered Peeta.

"Beaver!"

"Beiber!"

Oh. My. God. "Don't you guys know that his last name is The16yearoldteenagerthathasn'treachedpubertyyet!" I interrupted.

"Oh. Ok!"

"But I thought it was 'sgay!" voiced Ffieeay.

"No, it's The16yearoldteenagerthathasn'treachedpubertyyet!"

"'sgay!"

"The16yearoldteenagerthathasn'treachedpubertyyet!"

"'sgay!"

"The16yearoldteenagerthathasn'treachedpubertyyet!"

"Peeta!"

"Shut up Peeta!"

"Yeah Peeta!"

"Who asked your opinion you drunk bastard?"

"I'm sorry Katniss!"

And in this manner, I wasted 3 hours and 59 minutes of my life. The last minute was ok, because Peeta went insane. Wait, that's in the Mockingjay. Huh.

We have dinner, which always inconveniently pops up in the book, it's frustrating. Then I go back to my room. A glint comes into my eye. The sun was shining into it. Ouch. Well, that does it. Time to trash this place.

"!" was my war cry. I especially like the waffles part. (Author's Note: The first person who tells me where the 'waffles' is gets a special prize. (PM me))

Somehow, an Avox girl heard me and came to clean the mess up.

"HAHAHAHA! YOU HAVE TO CLEAN EVERYTHING! HAHAHAHAHA!" I scream. Then I push her out the window.

The next day was just as fun. This is what happened.

_Flashback_

"_MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laugh evily. A button labeled Atomic Bomb lays in front of me. "HEHEHEHAHAHAHAMUAHAHAHA!" I laugh again._

"_Errr, Katniss? What are you doing?" Asks that insolent piece of peeta bread. Mmmmm… he looks soooo delicious._

_I run toward him with saliva drooling from my math._

"_Katniss, wait! Stop! I have to ask you something!"_

"_What?"_

"_Are you on drugs?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Oh. That explains everything."_

"_Does it explain the meaning of life?"_

"_Uhh…"_

"_Ha! It doesn't explain everything!"_

_End of not so really true Flashback_

Well, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that. It was more like this:

_Flashback_

"_Well Katniss, we need you to take an interview," Ffieeay told me._

"_For what?"_

"_For the job that you applied to, duh?"_

"_Oh, Ok."_

_So I went to my interview._

"_So, Katniss, the Capitol must be quite a change from District Twelve. What's impressed you the most since you arrived here?" asks Aesarcay._

"_The woman and their *censored* *censored* *censored*." Everyone starts laughing, even though I wasn't joking._

"_Haha. Hilarious. You mean the *censored* *censored*?" I nod._

"_Now Katniss, When you came out in the opening ceremonies, my heart actually stopped. What did you think of that costume?"_

"_You mean besides the fact that it was made by a *censored* *censored* psychopath with *censored* and *censored* *censored*?" Again, a lot of people laugh even though I didn't say anything funny._

"_Yes, start then."_

"_I thought it was a piece of crap." More laughs._

"_Seriously. And so is this one. I mean look at it!" I spread out my skirt. It looks like a turd._

"_Oh my *censored* god! It's terrible!"_

"_I know right?"_

"_Alright, so how about the training score? Ze-ro. Tell us how you did it."_

"_What training score? I'm on crack, you know that right? I don't remember anything that happened within 3 sec, wait, what was I talking about?" Why do people keep laughing? Are they insane?_

"_Alright, your 2 seconds are up. Bye Bye."_

"_Wait, that doesn't make any sense! Just two lines up, it says that I don't remember anything that happened within 3 seconds, so it's impossible for it to be just 2 seconds."_

"_She's on to us…"_

_Then Peeta jumped out of nowhere to say, I LOVE KATNISS EVERDEEN CUZ SHE'S A SMOKIN' HOT *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED*_

**Well, that's chapter nine! Since, it's spring break for us, I'll try to get out a chapter every two days. So to help me out, press the button right…**

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	10. 10

**Author's Note: Apparently, there has been some confusion on my gender. I. Am. A. Guy. If it's not perfectly clear.**

**Author's Note: Thanks Hinata796 for beta-ingingthingy**

**Disclaimer: You know those planes that write messages in the sky? Well there was this plane that I saw the other day that wrote: Iamawesomerthanyou16 does not own the Hunger Games!**

For a moment, the cameras hold on Peeta's downcast eyes as what he says sinks in. Then I can see my face, mouth half open in a mix of surprise and protest, magnified on every screen as I realize, _Oh my god! He has a pimple!_ I take a bowl of water and throw it at Peeta. "Wash your face!"

"Yeah you *censored* piece of *censored*. Wash your face!" says Caesar.

"No! The interviews are over! The writer doesn't want to write about this crap! He wants to skip right to the games!"

"Peeta's right for the first and only time in his life," booms a voice. "So I will do what I want."

The world is shifting! Suddenly, I'm in an arena, dazzled with sunlight, wind and pine trees.

"Man-ladies and lady-mans, let the something-number-which-I-forgotst-nd-rd-th Hunger Games begin!"

**So it's short. I know. I'll write longer paragraphs if you press the button right…**

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	11. 11

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Wat up? THE GAMES HAVE FINALLY STARTED! AND I'M POWNING MY SISTER AT MONOPOLY! HAHAHA!**

**Disclaimer: Were you dropped as a baby?**

60 seconds. That's how long it takes to pick your nose, roll the booger into a ball, and flick it at a person. Why did I think that? I don't know. Blame it on my .

I run off my plate, scattering food everyone. Two steps away from me is an M-16, with a grenade launcher attachment, but I ignore it. Instead, I go for the more primitive weapon, a laser gun. I pick it up, but it's too heavy so I drop it. I see a worthless piece of plastic. My eyes widen. I. DON'T. NEED. THAT. BUT. I. WANT. IT. FOR. BRAGGING. RIGHTS. WHY. ARE. ALL. MY. THOUGHTS. CAPITALIZED. AND. ARE. SEPARATE. SENTENCES. Oh. The caps lock was on and the period was stuck. Time to take the piece of plastic.

"HIYAH! Check out my awesome ninja moves!" I twirl around in some random kicking motion. Everyone around me faints in awe. Or disgust. I'm going for the first one. I pick up the plastic and leave. I could have just killed them all with any of those weapons, or at least picked up all the supplies, but I decide I'm too stupid to think of either of those options.

Whistling, I fold my piece of plastic like a piece of paper, which is technically impossible, but once again, I'm too stupid to realize that. After 15 seconds of mindboggling folds, I give up on trying to make half a sheet of paper.

All-right. What did Aymitchhay say about being? Oh right. First thing first: you need to get out of the bloodbath. Second: You need to think. (Author's Note: Rene Decartes) Well, seeing as I've failed both, I think I'll go for the third: Find Water.

There's a water bottle in front of me. Unfortunately, it's not Fiji. I only drink Fiji water. Destroying Fiji one water bottle at a time! So I ignore it. Hey look! Dasani water! But wait, this is from Coca-cola! How is water coke? That's an oxymoron. I don't like morons. Even though I am myself. Where was I? Oh yeah. At the cornucopia. Well that doesn't matter.

Suddenly, there are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven explosions. Hm. I wonder why people are playing with dynamite.

I continue. I come to a stop. Wait! What if… Peeta… dies… not knowing 1+1=3, not 4! ! Ok! Time to sleep! I conk out.

I wake up to a rustling. Wait, what the? Why am I strapped down to a willow tree? And who the HELL is that?

"Hoo, ha, hoo, ha humahumahumahuma, hoo, ha…" chants a probably insane girl while preparing a fire.

"What are you doing?"

"Gonna make me a meal… hoo, ha, hoo…" the crazy girl says.

"OOOOOOHHHHHH! Can I join you?"

"OOOOHHHHGGGG OOOGGGGHHH! Sacrifice! Sacrifice!" the crazy girl cuts me out of the tree. I stab her for absolutely no reason at all.

"HAHA! Death to… um… uh… YOU! HAHAHAHA! Wait a second… Peeta's one of them!"

**YAY! I finally finished this chapter! Sorry I haven't been fulfilling one chapter every 2 days promise. I've been busy with an SYOT. Like, making one. Not just putting in a character. So check it out! but first click right…**

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